What Surprises You?

A lovely soul (Hannah Marcotti) posted this question on her amazing website a few days ago and I have been rolling it around in my brain for the past few days, slowly working it (probably over-thinking it) out:

What Surprises You?

The love that S and N continue to show me, even though they are growing up

How touchy my sensitive heart is on certain subjects...

How close my dad and I have become in the past year.
*this one needs a bit of back story. My dad and I have always been close. I'm his first born and he would do anything for my baby sister and I. We have always known we are so incredibly loved. Our relationship has always been one where he felt the need to protect, almost a stereotypical Father/Daughter relationship. Now while that need is still very much there (and still very much appreciated on my part), this year we have become friends. I have to tell you, he is one of the most delightful people I know. Somehow I won the jackpot, because he truly is amazing...

How much I am enjoying the people I work with

How much hurt I will let myself endure before I finally say enough. 
 ( must work on this...)

How often the friends I have become close to in the past few years say "I Love You"
 (so very grateful for this...)

At how vulnerable (in a good way) and connected I can feel in the company of some ah-mazing women in an e-course that I am taking

How much travel to a new city (or a re-visit to my favorite city) makes me come alive

What surprises you? I'd really love to know...

Wishing you a life full of great surprises

-S

Celebrating Love and Friendship*

today was a first for me.

the first time I shot portraits for a couple. Not just any old portraits though, engagement photos...

I was so nervous, and have been nervous for about a week.

I was talking to one of my close girlfriends about my nerves. I'm one of those people that needs to talk through everything. Once I get my fears out in the open, I can usually talk myself down. But for some reason I couldn't shake these nerves.

What if I screw these up? They're someone's Engagement Photos for crying out loud, maybe I'm not ready for this...

This has been my inner dialogue for the past week, and it was loud and clear this morning as I drove to meet the couple.

I've been friends with L for over 15 years, and I think she knew exactly what I was thinking as soon as she opened her front door. But instead of asking me what was wrong or trying to make me relax, she just said that she was excited to get some fun pictures. As soon as she said the word fun, my heart slowed down. She had no high expectations set, or at least none that she told me about. We were just going to hang out, and I was just taking some pictures of two close friends who happened to be in love and getting married next fall...

We drove out to our location, chatting happily about nothing in particular. D kept reaching over and holding L's hand as he drove. I started to notice how they looked at each other and started to get excited about photographing one of my best friends and the man she loves. Once the camera was in my hands and I snapped the first picture, my love of capturing moments took over and the nerves went away completely.

We had a wonderful day together celebrating love and long lasting friendship. I couldn't have asked for a better couple to take engagement photos of...

Wishing you all a Sunday filled with love

xoxo

-S

stuck*

I've been stuck lately. stuck in a bit of mess that I just can't seem to work myself out of. I was out for coffee with a dear friend (df) this afternoon, and our conversation went like this;

"df: baby, what's wrong with you lately?

me: nothing, why?

df: that light is gone... that sparkly light you always have in your eyes, it's gone. what's wrong?

me: i just feel stuck is all. i keep digging and digging, searching for something or a way to be unstuck... ( the tears start flowing)

df: what is it that you're searching for?

me: I don't know... my life maybe. something to call my own. someone to love, and someone who loves me back... all around me, people are getting married, they're having babies, they're living these great lives... and me... stuck. (talking through rivers of tears now)

df: baby, you listen to me ... you have a great life and so much to be thankful for. you are so very blessed, and don't you ever forget it. you have friends and family that love you. do me a favor. go home and write a list of everything that you are grateful for, and don't leave a single thing out. keep that list with you for a week and every time you feel joy and something makes your day even a tiny pinch better, you write it down. by the end of the week, you'll see..."

so here i am with a blank page in my journal and a pen, and I will keep it with me for a week to write everything down. my dear friend, you and your friendship are the first thing on my list...