Sunday, August 15, 2010
I've been very quiet for the past little while, not only in this space, but in other parts of my life as well. I just haven't really had anything I wanted to talk about or say. I have also been dreaming about the vacation I am taking next week.
My dear best friend and her love have graciously agreed to put up with me for a week and allow me to stay with them at their apartment in Vancouver. It has been 2 very long months since I have seen her and I miss her dearly.
In addition to spending time with my lovely friends, I am trying out the city...
Let me explain ...
In this life, I feel that I have never truly found my home. I have found some wonderful places, and lived with beautiful souls that I call dear friends, but never found that one spot that just screams out "this is it ... this is where you are meant to be" . Now, while New York City did scream that for me, I just don't think at this point in my life that living in that city is possible.
I am hoping in Vancouver, there will be something that grabs me and just doesn't let go. There is a possibility that I could have the opportunity to move to the city with the current job I have. But I won't make the move if I don't love the city.
So Vancouver, I am excited to meet you. I hope this first meeting will be the start of a great relationship ...
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
15 minutes into class, i wanted to stomp my feet, roll up my beautiful mat and storm out of there.
I just couldn't connect ... to anything
mind, body, earth ... nothing
I know it's about being patient with yourself, but it was just so damned frustrating. Normally I am very patient with myself, especially when whatever I am doing happens to be "new" (or relatively new...) to me. But for some reason, I expected more from myself.
I have always felt very connected to my body, and have always felt movement came naturally to me. Not so much this time around...
I feel a giant disconnect, and that upsets me. I know it will get better and every week won't be like this but, body, if you're listening ....
please try to meet me half way
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
We used Yoga constantly in Theatre School to bring ourselves in to the present moment, to drop everything and prepare ourselves to be the blank canvas we needed to be in order to fully take on a new character.
I forgot how difficult it was even to align my body. By the end of my second year, I could align my body and stand fully straight in two seconds. I could feel if my hips were slightly out of place or if my chin was out just a little too far. Yesterday, it took me half the class to feel completely aligned and my body screamed at me the entire time. " this is so not comfortable, what in the world are you doing to me!" my mind constantly reassuring " I promise this pain you are feeling will go away, just give it time. Remember how good it felt those years in school?! You were so connected, so grounded ... we're trying to get back there. It is so worth it, just trust me ... "
Now if I thought this was difficult, it was nothing compared to clearing my mind. This was a practice I was so good at 4 years ago. Blank mind, just be present ... done! Now I get thoughts like this swimming through my head
"I need to pick up groceries"
" Is that top I want to wear to the meeting tomorrow clean or dirty?"
" I need to call and make that hair appointment"
" I need to take my library books back"
I know these little struggles won't last forever, but I found it odd that this practice that came so naturally to me four years ago now takes a tremendous amount of work. I am sticking to it though, and making a point of being on my beautiful mat for atleast 15 minutes, even if I just lay on my back and clear my mind. It's all about learning to ....